A Reflection On My Life Through A Busy Season: When The Thick Gets Thin

I've learned a lot about myself over the past few weeks. It has been a very challenging time for me. I'd say that it's primarily work-related, but it's spilled over into my personal life. At this point in the pandemic, what hasn't, right? 

My cognitive abilities diminish at a certain point when stress / busyness / tiredness are paramount. 

I am easily agitated by people who don't care, don't respond, are slow to communicate, or have no consideration for the pressures I may be under. Granted, not everyone will know my situation, but those who do should have more empathy. 

I get into my feelings when I can't let my frustrations out. That's probably why I'm writing this blog post. I have no real outlet. I don't have a therapist. I don't want to inundate my wife with my issues. And I am not finding enough time to take walks or workout the stress. 

But why? Is it because I care too much about what I do? Maybe.

Part of my frustration is that I know I'm capable of doing things, understanding difficult concepts, breaking things down, creating examples for myself, and working through issues. But with little time to be spent, I'm finding that I don't feel intelligent. I feel like I'm slow or not comprehending. I even act like I don't know what to do, work-wise. That's not me under less stressful circumstances. But to others whom I interact with when I'm at this point, I will seem incapable, slow, and they may even question why I'm in the role I'm in. 

As I've gotten older, the impact has become more pronounced. I can feel it hit harder. When I was in my early 20s and working in public accounting, I could suck it up and plow right through whatever came my way. Whatever obstacle there was, however late I had to work, regardless of how much toll it was taking on my body - I just carried on and let it become normal. As young professionals, you're "paying your dues" but at what expense? Mind? Body? It's tough, but it's "normal" for this career path. 

I sometimes question if my actions and reactions are valid or acceptable. And other times, I don't care what anyone else thinks because it's healthy to get these thoughts and feelings out of our systems, right?

There are some who would say that it's just a job and that your health and mindfulness should be at the forefront. I agree with that... up until I get really busy. Then all bets are off. And that's not a good thing. I've had a hard time holding myself accountable for sticking to plans and enforcing my own hardlines. Guess they're not that hard, huh? 

I often second guess myself when I get to this point of stress and frustration. I am no longer confident in the things that I do. 

I become mechanical instead of dynamic and conscious. I do just to do rather think about what the impacts are. In some ways, there's nothing else you can do. Your learning and abilities to comprehend are stunted by inundation. In accounting and tax, this happens often, especially in client service roles. This is why people stop learning. It's why people give up. When you become overly concerned with timeline and due dates, functioning becomes a matter of just doing and not thinking. 

Everyone is different. I can tolerate a lot of stress, but even I reach a breaking point. Others may have less of a threshold and may collapse upon the pressures sooner. That doesn't mean they are not intelligent or have other star qualities. 

I have learned my limits once again at a different time in age. I am no longer capable of grinding it out because I feel all the adverse effects quicker. My mind and body fail me sooner. And my overall well-being is just significantly deteriorated. I am sad, tired, stressed, and need a break for the quiet, calm, and serenity - maybe in the mountains somewhere...

Paro Taktsang (aka Tiger's Nest) - Paro Valley, Paro District, Bhutan - circa April 2017

Reality Television That Touches Hearts And Teaches Toughness

I've been doing a lot of reading and writing lately but that doesn't mean I don't watch TV. However, I will say that I don't watch that often. But when I do, I really have to enjoy the show. This post is coming after the first week of new Fall programming when two of my favorite reality shows have just aired.

The Voice on NBC is truly one of the most inspiring, emotion provoking, talent-driven shows in all of television history. And although I'm not really one for reality television, especially not talent related competitions, this is a program worth watching.

For those of you who do not watch the show, the basic concept behind The Voice is that, at the very beginning, every contestant gets a blind audition for four celebrity coaches whose backs are to them initially. Each artist has the opportunity to sing a portion of a song and the coaches can "turn" around if they want the singer on their team. If more than one coach turns for a singer, the tables are turned in that that person has the opportunity to choose their coach instead.

It doesn't matter what your height, weight, race, color, religion, sexual preference, taste in music, or other abilities. It matters what your voice sounds like. It is the fairest, truest selection process of any game show ever.

Then there's the Shark Tank, another reality television show that really captured my attention from the first season it aired. The tank is a collective of former entrepreneurs now millionaires / billionaires  (aka the "sharks") who look to invest in the next big thing. Inventors, service providers, creators, and thinkers seek out a financial investor, confidant, and advisor to bring their dreams and hard work to fruition.

The entrepreneurs pitch their invention, service, and business to the "sharks" for the possibility of making a financial deal and in most cases, to work together. The negotiations range anywhere from easy and quick to fierce and competitive. But all in all, the show really sheds light on the difficulties of being a business.

Although these 2 shows couldn't be more different, what they have in common are the biggest draw. The Voice and Shark Tank are about the underdog, the hard workers, the dreamers. It's about people who struggle on a regular basis but find the will power to continue. And they all reach their goals in some way, shape, or form. Not everyone gets in The Voice gets selected for a team to be coached towards stardom. Not everyone in the Tank gets a deal. But they all made it that far which is an achievement in itself.

It takes courage to put yourself out there. It takes practice to vocalize your feelings. It takes sleepless nights to get an idea off the ground. And all of these contestants and entrepreneurs pound the pavement to get to their promised land. When the coaches hear a phenomenal voice, they let it be known to the world. If the sharks see a fantastic product, they jump on board. They all provide constructive feedback when necessary, and the words of encouragement always find a ear to fill. Either way, good or bad, there are emotions involved. Tears of joy or frustration overcome the struggling artists or startups. And those feelings somehow permeate the television screen, and I feel it too.

I think part of the reason I relate to these singers and startup business people is that I'm always looking for a breakthrough. I'm searching for that idea that will help me stand out. My mind is on a mission to put me on the map, to be a household name. I find inspiration from the singers. I know I need mental toughness like the entrepreneurs. I need the drive like they all have. And I have to follow a dream and do whatever it takes to achieve it. In many ways, the story of The Alchemist lives in all of these people. And I hope that one day I will realize my Personal Legend. (678)

Feelings and Emotion

It's not easy or normal for me to show emotion on a daily basis. A lot of the time, I go through my daily life as a series of motions to get through each day. Most things are routine, like showering, going to work, checking email, cooking dinner, and sleeping at a certain time. So it's easy to get lost in the monotony of the cycle. 

I'm going to try to do a better job showing my feelings. I started yesterday. Valentine's Day is a heart-warming day, and I wanted to prove it on this cold, February morning. So I bought these for my Valentine.

It's a start. I know I still have to be more vocal about it. It's not just about listening and engaging a conversation, it's about talking about my own feelings as well. 

I'm a work-in-process, as we all are...