Sometimes, Frustration Can Get The Best Of Me

It's not easy to stay positive when you've been job hunting for 7 months. It's not easy to accept that you've been unemployed for over a year. But I knew what I signed up for. I knew what was at the end of the road when I started on the path least traveled. That doesn't change the feelings, mostly of frustration, that come from being unable to provide for myself or others around me. And every day that passes is another day removed from the beginning.

via GIPHY

I've been busy lately with family health concerns, doctors appointments, and other very important tasks that don’t directly affect me. And it will continue to be this way for a while.

via GIPHY

But outside of that, I've tried to keep myself busy. I made a daily routine to pass the time. I make myself a healthy breakfast, drink a cup of coffee, and proceed to job hunt first thing in the morning. If I'm lucky, I send in some applications. Then I catch up on the news through my Google News feed and other social media outlets. If I'm feeling creative, I write a blog post. I cook a protein-filled lunch and take my daily medication and vitamins. Around mid-afternoon, after I've given some time for my food to digest while reading a book, I walk 1.2miles to the gym to workout for an hour and walk home afterward. And the rest of the afternoon / evening all just depends on how tired I am from the exercise. Most nights I watch a little tv or read online or read a book. My days are predictable.

But doing something over and over again expecting different results - isn't that the definition of insanity? Little by little, I'm probably getting a little crazier each day. I need mental stimulation; I need the challenges of the workplace; I need human interaction. I should probably find some diversity in my daily life for now. But I refuse to spend any kind of money.

I would say that I've been patient, doing things in order and waiting for the right opportunities. I've been applying here and there and also touching base with recruiters. But this time of year is just tough. Many positions are put on hold for the new year to give employers time to reorganize and re-budget. It's typical for companies to stave off the spending in the 4th quarter of any given year. I know this. And I try to convince myself that come January all the employers will come around to reaching out to me at the same time. I can only hope for karma and to be overwhelmed with job suitors so that I can have my pick.

If you're reading this, hope for me too. I can use all the positive vibes I can get. I'll be sure to keep you in my hopes and dreams as well. Thanks.

All I Want For Christmas Is My Dignity Back

We are 7 days away from Christmas!

What I want cannot be gifted to me by one person but by a small collective of subjective, and sometimes objective, decision-makers.

Let's see what Santa can do for me.

Sending my letter tonight!

My Investment Compass

Yesterday I spent most of my day tinkering with Excel and putting together tables. My analysis was for some investments I plan to make in the near future. It was a reminder of how analytical I can get sometimes. I started out with ABC up and down the X axis, and XYZ on the Y axis and populated the cells with various formulas. Then I would rearrange the line items or add / delete lines all to get the right amount of detail.

In the world of corporate tax (my profession), it's rare that we have to put together a table from scratch. Most of the time, the data is already provided to us and it requires manipulation. Often times it's as easy as performing a VLOOKUP or HLOOKUP or simply using a Pivot Table. But there's just so much information to analyze. The trick is to know what you need for a narrow down the dataset to those categories.

The data I came up with yesterday was based on reading and research I did about various investment products which I plan to place bets on. For me, my interests are currently in:

• Blockchain technology
• Cryptocurrency
• eSports
• Environment
• Renewable Resources / Alternative Energy

The potential for each of the above is sky high. I think we're going to see Blockchain become the accounting of the future. Plenty of businesses are currently analyzing how to implement and make use of the technology. From the success and safety of the Blockchain, cryptocurrency was developed potentially to make financial exchanges easier, non-centrally governed, and safer than transactions with intermediaries. It is yet another factor that will shrink the world and create a common denominator to create business across borders. Imagine being able to pay for your meal in a foreign country safely without having to exchange currency or use a credit card and be subject to foreign transaction fees with just the click of a button on your mobile phone. It's potentially that easy. 

Then there's eSports, and if you've read my previous posts you already know what I think. It's sports digitized and the market is only growing. I can only see an upside financially. The downside is going to be getting your kids outside for fresh air to play like the old days of activity and exercise. I'm sure the world will find some health detriments, and we should be sure to combat them and set limits. But the trend is upward for eSports. And like anything that requires moderation, it will be a matter of parental guidance and reasonableness that helps mitigate any health concerns. 

The environment and renewable energy also go hand in hand similar to Blockchain and Cryptocurrency. It's easy, the bet is that renewable and alternative energy sources will improve the environment that we live. And those who create a greener lifestyle should and will benefit in more ways than just financial - health-wise too. Solar energy is really making a statement these days. The tech has been around for years but Tesla and other solar manufacturers are really making it easier and cheaper to be environmentally friendly. Wind is also rising but less publicly. The new turbines on and offshore will have been providing electricity for a while now but drawing much less attention. Similarly, hydroelectric energy has also been around for a while but with few water sources to plug up with dams, it too doesn't get the recognition it deserves for as long as it has already served us. And the remaining alternatives include biomass, geothermal, and tidal have yet to really make a profound impact but again, the potential is great. 

I suppose over these past few months of unemployment, the experiences I've lived through, the reading I've done and the interests I've developed have helped me realize what my future holds. I know better who I want to be and how I want to carry out that lifestyle. For now, the next investments I will make are just a stepping stone for the future I want to build. And like the past few months, I'm sure these investments will be rocky at time but the long term results should be upward trending. (700)

The World Doesn't Stop For Anyone

It is so strange being out and about during the weekday. Not having a job has really showed me that there is more going on in the world than work. When I was fully employed in corporate America I had this stupid notion that everyone must be working at the same time and few people should be out and about. I mean come on I knew other things were going on. I was just never accepting of that fact. Surely if I was working then everyone else was too, right?

I think as a young adult entering corporate America, you are blinded by the fast pace, the number of people competing, and the grandness of NYC. So naturally you want to move just as fast, feel as important as the next person, and fit in to the hustle and bustle of THE city.

For the longest time, I was a robot. Wake up at 6:30AM. Get ready for work. Catch the 7:15AM bus. Ride the subway. Arrive at the office. And commence your work duties. 12:30PM grab lunch. 7PM try to escape work to get your evening tasks accomplished before the doors close on you for the night. Whether it be grocery shopping, cooking dinner, picking up the dry cleaning, making a Home Depot run, or hitting the gym for the 3rd night this week to let off some steam and stay in shape - it's a nightly challenge to beat the rush hour commute home. And god forbid you have to go to the post office; you'll have to fit that into your lunch hour tomorrow.

What I've learned from travel and from being unemployed is that life goes on. Corporate America is a bubble. NYC lives by its own rules. It breeds a certain kind of person. The city harbors some of the most amazingly intelligent people and is ruthless for anyone who can't hack it. Maybe that's why I love it so much. I feel like I fit in. Or at least I try my hardest to and have had success doing it.

The competition is such a driving force. To be challenged every day and to learn from some of the best and brightest is so appealing. With everything at your fingertips it's no surprise how and why the people who fit in stay forever and climb the ladder with determination and gusto. Frank Sinatra said it first and Jay-Z reiterated in his lyrics that, "if you can make it here, you can make it anywhere." It's true.

But everything else that happens in the world doesn't stop for NYC. They all carry on. Everyone has different schedules to complete different tasks. Sometimes I feel like other peoples' lives are more dynamic than NYers. Outside of NY anyone can instantly change their plans or reroute their direction to accomplish other things. But NYers, once put off track, become easily annoyed with the distraction. Or was that just me? Was I a robot because I chose to be one? Or was forced to be one to keep up?

There is so much else going on outside of corporate America that is equally as important, but those that work within the confines of the city lines fail to believe that. Or maybe I should say that the fresher faces of the work force don't yet see it. Because I believe that a good number of the veterans have a better appreciation for what lies outside of the veil of the corporate collective. Maybe it's because they have more time or better work/life balance. Whatever it is, sometimes the realization comes too late.

Once you get a glimpse of the world outside and figure out that you can make it anywhere else, you'll want to get a taste of it as soon as possible. The world is enormous. There's plenty to learn. And there are plenty of people and experiences to teach you. (654)

The Night Is Darkest Just Before The Dawn

There is a dark side to job hunting and unemployment that people do not write or talk about. Because on the outside, you want your family and friends to think you are ok, that you're having FUNemployment. No one wants to hear you complain or stress, so you do your best to keep it to yourself. But that only creates more stress, fear, doubt. The dark side of the whole process is the mind-fuck that you that put yourself through.

The moon as seen from the Atacama Desert
through a telescope in the middle of the night.

There is an anger that develops for any rejection you may receive. Doubt of your own talent and skills slowly creep up on your mind's eye. The focus then becomes, what have you done wrong? How you could have done better? Who affected this situation? Why did you do what you've already done?

Fear grows inside that you will not find what you're looking for. Fear grows as time continues to pass. Anxiety rises as time passes too. The longer you're out of work, the less appealing of a candidate you are. That feeling of becoming inferior to your previous peers and colleagues starts to show. Hate for the recruiters who have been anything but helpful develops. Discontent with the job postings you find mounts.

It's all in your mind. The constant thinking makes your mind spin. And you literally circle these thoughts daily. Of course, they are accompanied by all the negative feelings across the spectrum. And worse of all, no one understands the circumstances you are in. No matter what anyone says about knowing the feeling or having been there, the reality is that they have no idea. Because your situation is complex and deeply rooted in the series of decisions, events, and shortcomings that you've gone through. No one can possibly know what you are dealing with.

Some days I want to scream. I want to throw my laptop across the room. Sometimes I cry to myself because, even though I'm alone in my home, I forbid myself to show signs of distress on the outside. Because that is a sign of weakness. And no matter what my thoughts are on the inside, I'm too stubborn to let anything show on the outside.

But you have to find a way to cope with it. I have to find way to exert energy. Go to the gym. Play basketball. Take the dog out. Run errands. Walk to the park. Walk the neighborhood. Sometimes do things twice a day if it's really bad. I read. I write/blog. Whatever I do, I try to take up as much time as possible (since job searching electronically only takes up so much time.) But the most important thing I have to do is talk to my wife. Because I need to confide in her. I want her support. And she needs to know what is happening in my life. She's the glimmer of light that I need while I navigate through the darkness of the daily mental drain.

America's Favorite Quiz Show

I recently had a flashback of watching Jeopardy! with my grandfather when I was a kid. It's funny because this show is nearly as old as I am, as it first aired in September 1984. And Alex Trebek doesn't look like he's aged very much. His hair may have grayed, but the voice, style, and demeanor is consistent. During my (f)unemployment, watching this program is one of the things I look forward to any day that I can.

Anyway, like my grandfather, I am hooked on this show. It's challenging, it's fast-paced, the clues are sometimes witty, and the knowledge-base required to succeed is that of a Renaissance-man, in that you need to be well-rounded in all subjects.

My grandfather was a really intelligent man. He seemed to be able to provide the proper questions to so many of the answers (see Gameplay) in a variety of topics. I always wanted to be like him. I wanted to be quick, knowledgeable, and well-rounded. I really looked up to him as he helped raise me and take care of me (along with my grandma and parents, of course) until he was eventually unable. This is probably why I always think of him every time I watch Jeopardy! on tv, which is still aired at the same time it has been for the past 33 years, at 7PM Monday through Friday.

I'm going to try to be a contestant. I have a feeling that my grandfather would be excited for me if I actually made it. It's been a bucket-list item too. I guess there's no better time than now, during FUNemployment.

Do you play along while watching? Want to extend the game? Play the extra 6th clue with J!6 on Amazon Echo!

Job Searching: Impatience, Frustration, Stress - The Struggle Is Real

As of late, the challenges of seeking employment have been getting to me.

I'm currently waiting to hear back from my previous employer about a position that was opened up at the end of June, which I interviewed for, but have not heard back from yet. Because I was the first person to interview and the hiring managers needed to go through the formal process by fielding other potential candidates, I'm just playing the waiting game with them. It's like having a staring contest with a wall right now. I feel so helpless and each day that passes, I lose a little hope that they'd fill this position with my shoes.

And I've been really trying to hold off on reaching out to others to continue my search so as not to waste peoples' time (recruiters, friends, old colleagues, etc.) since I'm waiting on my old employer to give me an answer, but I'm also feeling foolish for somewhat putting my eggs in one basket with them.

I do have a daily job search on Indeed and LinkedIN that automatically emails me with new positions. But the results haven't been so fruitful. In the two months I've been hunting, less than 10 opportunities have been appealing. In fact, I've only applied to maybe 5 positions.

Optimism is the name of the game when you go through your job search, but it's hard to stay so positive every day. Some days I feel fine and confident that I will get picked up by a great company. Other days I'm impatient, frustrated, and stressed out about landing a job. And on those days I don't know what to do with myself because waiting is all I have left to do; I've done all the admin around the house, cleaning, maintenance, grocery shopping, exercise and reading that I can take.

With all the free time, your mind wanders. You think - did I make the right choices in my past career-wise? Is my resume strong enough? Am I qualified for any of these positions? Why aren't I getting any callbacks for the positions I did apply for? What's wrong with me?!

It's Just A Waiting Game Until The Next Job Comes Along, But In the Meantime...

This is the longest I've been unemployed. I've been doing all the household chores and taking care of all the administrative things that go with owning a home, a car, and having an in-law live with you. I've been taking great care of my health and body since I've had so much time. I've even been able to play basketball at an open gym with some competitive people. Reading more books and keeping up with the news is easier and leisurely, and music is now constantly playing if I'm not reading. All my meals are taken at home and self-made; grocery shopping in the middle of the day is wonderful, and avoiding doing anything during rush hour is the most genius thing ever. The fact that my weekends can be spent more freely is exciting because of how productive I am during the week. Things are so much more different when I have a regular day job.

But despite all the wonderful things I've been able to do during this FUNemployment and all the productive / positive things I've done for this house, I feel strangely useless. Part of the reason is that I'm not earning any income. I am not supporting my family and household financially. In fact, I am trying my best to minimize my expenses. Has my income defined my usefulness? I'm sure it hasn't, but why is this the resulting feeling?

and long term travelers, have any of you felt this way? If so, how do you cope?

FUNemployment

Friday was my last day of work. And tomorrow is my first Monday of FUNemployment. In Back to the Future fashion my identity is slowly going to disappear. Looks like it's already started... As my boss would say, "Jesse GOne."

Practicando Español

En una semana, exactamente, empezamos nuestro viaje y empezamos a Santiago, Chile.

¡Vamonos!