A Reflection On My Life Through A Busy Season: When The Thick Gets Thin

I've learned a lot about myself over the past few weeks. It has been a very challenging time for me. I'd say that it's primarily work-related, but it's spilled over into my personal life. At this point in the pandemic, what hasn't, right? 

My cognitive abilities diminish at a certain point when stress / busyness / tiredness are paramount. 

I am easily agitated by people who don't care, don't respond, are slow to communicate, or have no consideration for the pressures I may be under. Granted, not everyone will know my situation, but those who do should have more empathy. 

I get into my feelings when I can't let my frustrations out. That's probably why I'm writing this blog post. I have no real outlet. I don't have a therapist. I don't want to inundate my wife with my issues. And I am not finding enough time to take walks or workout the stress. 

But why? Is it because I care too much about what I do? Maybe.

Part of my frustration is that I know I'm capable of doing things, understanding difficult concepts, breaking things down, creating examples for myself, and working through issues. But with little time to be spent, I'm finding that I don't feel intelligent. I feel like I'm slow or not comprehending. I even act like I don't know what to do, work-wise. That's not me under less stressful circumstances. But to others whom I interact with when I'm at this point, I will seem incapable, slow, and they may even question why I'm in the role I'm in. 

As I've gotten older, the impact has become more pronounced. I can feel it hit harder. When I was in my early 20s and working in public accounting, I could suck it up and plow right through whatever came my way. Whatever obstacle there was, however late I had to work, regardless of how much toll it was taking on my body - I just carried on and let it become normal. As young professionals, you're "paying your dues" but at what expense? Mind? Body? It's tough, but it's "normal" for this career path. 

I sometimes question if my actions and reactions are valid or acceptable. And other times, I don't care what anyone else thinks because it's healthy to get these thoughts and feelings out of our systems, right?

There are some who would say that it's just a job and that your health and mindfulness should be at the forefront. I agree with that... up until I get really busy. Then all bets are off. And that's not a good thing. I've had a hard time holding myself accountable for sticking to plans and enforcing my own hardlines. Guess they're not that hard, huh? 

I often second guess myself when I get to this point of stress and frustration. I am no longer confident in the things that I do. 

I become mechanical instead of dynamic and conscious. I do just to do rather think about what the impacts are. In some ways, there's nothing else you can do. Your learning and abilities to comprehend are stunted by inundation. In accounting and tax, this happens often, especially in client service roles. This is why people stop learning. It's why people give up. When you become overly concerned with timeline and due dates, functioning becomes a matter of just doing and not thinking. 

Everyone is different. I can tolerate a lot of stress, but even I reach a breaking point. Others may have less of a threshold and may collapse upon the pressures sooner. That doesn't mean they are not intelligent or have other star qualities. 

I have learned my limits once again at a different time in age. I am no longer capable of grinding it out because I feel all the adverse effects quicker. My mind and body fail me sooner. And my overall well-being is just significantly deteriorated. I am sad, tired, stressed, and need a break for the quiet, calm, and serenity - maybe in the mountains somewhere...

Paro Taktsang (aka Tiger's Nest) - Paro Valley, Paro District, Bhutan - circa April 2017

The Cookie Monster Wants CAKE?

Is it really unrealistic to have your cake and eat it too?

No, it's not. You can certainly have it. You can certainly eat it. But having it and eating it doesn't mean you will necessarily feel good about it. Nor does it mean that all the results are positive.

Herein lies the dilemma of decision-making.

On the one hand, there's great satisfaction in getting everything you want and indulging in the glory of your hard work, dedication, time spent, and energy exerted. Day in and day out you've starved yourself to develop the best attributes. Sacrifices were made along the way knowing that one day, eventually, you'd prosper in the fashion you've dreamed of. You've built your recipe for success, and when the time comes, the reward should be yours for the taking. If you put your best effort and high grade ingredients into the mix, then why not reap all the benefits all at once, immediately?

Because, on the other hand, allowing oneself to enjoy all the pleasures of what you believe to be victory, getting everything you want at the same time, still has it's consequences. They may not be immediate; they usually kick in after the fact, but you can't hide from the inevitable.

So what do you choose? Satiate your intense, long, drawn out cravings for instant gratification and deal with the repercussions later? Or spoil yourself a little at a time to take on the weight and burden piecemeal knowing that you can balance it out along the way with proper attention and care?

It is not easy to decide. It is frustrating to think about.

I have cake in front of me, and I can't figure out if I should eat it... or pass it up for some cookies over the course of time. (301)

Leadership - It's About Others, Not Just You

"When you become a leader, success is all about growing others. It's about making the people who work for you smarter, bigger, and bolder. Nothing you do anymore as an individual matters except how you nurture and support your team and help its members increase their self-confidence. Yes, you will get your share of attention from up above - but only inasmuch as your team wins. Put another way: Your success as a leader will come not from what you do but from the reflected glory of your team." - Jack & Suzy Welch - BusinessWeek Magazine

All throughout college, I thought of myself as a leader. I started small with minor roles in student clubs and then eventually worked my way up to leading a national organization for a couple of years. I remained with that organization in the role of a consultant for some time after that thinking that my knowledge could help benefit others. And although it did it wasn't until later that I would learn what true leadership was. I'll tell you what it's not.

Leadership is not advancing your own goals. It is not forcing your ways upon others. Convincing others of the "proper" route isn't it either. Leadership is not a position of power. Rather is it a position of respect and a role of encouragement.

Many years ago, sometime after I graduated college, I started reading about leadership and how to succeed in life and in a career. And the quote above by Jack and Suzy Welch is what continued to guide me as I pursued leadership roles going forward. It was first published towards the end of an issue of BusinessWeek, a McGraw Hill company previously (now Bloomberg Businessweek), in a column which the husband and wife team contributed.

Ever since then, I've tried my hardest to make all my teams the best they could possibly be. We would sit and discuss topics. The team would be an open forum to ask questions without fearing a "stupid" one. We drew out scenarios on a whiteboard, created examples of our quandaries, and solved situations together. We reached out to others for help when we needed it. My teams eventually offered support to others, lending a branch of our knowledge if called upon. And the teams became resources in the long run. All of my teams became well-known, trusted, and well-rounded. With the abilities to do anything our jobs required (and sometimes even tasks outside of our scope) my teams have always risen to the top of each department recognized by management and staff alike. We became all-stars together.

I credit Jack and Suzy Welch's column for the successes that I've been allowed since the day I read their words. And I'll continue to lead and manage in this fashion for the remainder of my, hopefully long, career. Leadership - it's about others, not just you.

How do you lead? (486)

Job Searching: Impatience, Frustration, Stress - The Struggle Is Real

As of late, the challenges of seeking employment have been getting to me.

I'm currently waiting to hear back from my previous employer about a position that was opened up at the end of June, which I interviewed for, but have not heard back from yet. Because I was the first person to interview and the hiring managers needed to go through the formal process by fielding other potential candidates, I'm just playing the waiting game with them. It's like having a staring contest with a wall right now. I feel so helpless and each day that passes, I lose a little hope that they'd fill this position with my shoes.

And I've been really trying to hold off on reaching out to others to continue my search so as not to waste peoples' time (recruiters, friends, old colleagues, etc.) since I'm waiting on my old employer to give me an answer, but I'm also feeling foolish for somewhat putting my eggs in one basket with them.

I do have a daily job search on Indeed and LinkedIN that automatically emails me with new positions. But the results haven't been so fruitful. In the two months I've been hunting, less than 10 opportunities have been appealing. In fact, I've only applied to maybe 5 positions.

Optimism is the name of the game when you go through your job search, but it's hard to stay so positive every day. Some days I feel fine and confident that I will get picked up by a great company. Other days I'm impatient, frustrated, and stressed out about landing a job. And on those days I don't know what to do with myself because waiting is all I have left to do; I've done all the admin around the house, cleaning, maintenance, grocery shopping, exercise and reading that I can take.

With all the free time, your mind wanders. You think - did I make the right choices in my past career-wise? Is my resume strong enough? Am I qualified for any of these positions? Why aren't I getting any callbacks for the positions I did apply for? What's wrong with me?!