Monday, March 4, 2013

My New York City Subway Riding Rules

1. Before boarding any type of public transportation, please ensure that you have properly bathed, brushed your teeth, applied deodorant, and put on a fresh set of clothes. The last thing any of us wants is to smell any foul odors while in close proximity of people in an enclosed, under ventilated subway car.

2. As you approach the turn-style to enter the subway, please prepare your MetroCard. Do not wait until you are directly in front of the turn-style before you dig through your purse. You know you're getting on the subway. Be prepared. Do not be the cause of traffic at the subway entrance.

3. Do not block the subway car doors while waiting to board. The doors will not open quicker if you stand directly in front of them.

4. Please let off all passengers before boarding the subway car. If they are getting off and you are getting on, they are closer to their destination than you are. Let them get there in time; don't hold them up.

5. If the particular car that you are waiting for is full, try to embark on a different car. Otherwise, wait for the next train. It will come shortly after. Conversely, if you are on a car which is already full, and someone tries to push their way onto that car, you have the God-given right to push them off. They can wait for the next train.

6. Make sure to hold on to something or remain seated while the car is in motion. Not only are you a hazard with the chance of stepping on or walking into people, but you also have the chance to accidentally grab something or someone when the car makes abrupt stops.

7. If you are standing and do not have anything to hold onto, the proper standing etiquette is to position your feet shoulder width apart, with one foot slightly forward of the other. This will enable you to balance in case of sudden motions forcing you in any direction.

8. Read your book, smart phone, newspaper, or magazine. If you have nothing to read, do not make eye contact with anyone.

9. If you do make eye contact with anyone by accident, just smile (and try not to be creepy).

10. Do not stare. If she is that attractive, grow your balls, pick up your tongue and say something nice. If you have nothing nice to say, turn around.

11. If you are using headphones to listen to music, please do not allow it to be audible by the entire car. Additionally, please be conscious of those around you who may "excuse" themselves to squeeze by.

12. If you must read the map, and it is behind someone or over their head, please let that passenger know so that it doesn't seem like you are staring directly at them with your head cocked forward.

13. If you have the intention of sleeping for the duration of your journey, please make sure to prop yourself against a bar / wall / seat-end. No one likes a leaner.

14. Do not pass gas. If you must flagellate, please disembark at the closest station, relieve yourself of toxic odors, and resume your journey on the next train.

15. When you are ready to disembark at your chosen station, please give your fellow commuters the courtesy of an "excuse me" if he/she is not coming down at the same station. Do not push or shove, unless their headphones are playing too loud.

Learn these 15 simple rules, and you will be fully prepared and never have fear of riding the NYC Subway.

Thank you for riding MTA's NYC Subway. Have a safe day!

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