A Mantra For Your Mentality

Mrauk-U, Myanmar

While I was working, I sometimes encountered situations that were terribly frustrating. The amount of work would build up and completing it gave rise to anxiety. Or communication with co-workers or business contacts were aggravating, not fruitful, or straight up confrontational. 

Angkor Wat

I found that taking a step back was the most helpful action I could take. There was a point when I decided I needed to make change. I needed a mantra. So I took a few minutes to write up some lines in Word, printed them out, and tacked them to my board in my line of sight.

Any time it would catch my eye, I was almost forced to read through it. It gave me a reason to pause in the middle of a hectic day or situation to calm down and reassure myself that everything was going to be ok. The work was going to be completed. And the relationships could be mended. The stress was worth the results.

Most recently, I've decided to create a couple of new mantras to combat my new frustrations and anxieties. I wake up each morning, have breakfast, and recite these lines before I continue my day. It's been a good start so far...

Sometimes, Frustration Can Get The Best Of Me

It's not easy to stay positive when you've been job hunting for 7 months. It's not easy to accept that you've been unemployed for over a year. But I knew what I signed up for. I knew what was at the end of the road when I started on the path least traveled. That doesn't change the feelings, mostly of frustration, that come from being unable to provide for myself or others around me. And every day that passes is another day removed from the beginning.

via GIPHY

I've been busy lately with family health concerns, doctors appointments, and other very important tasks that don’t directly affect me. And it will continue to be this way for a while.

via GIPHY

But outside of that, I've tried to keep myself busy. I made a daily routine to pass the time. I make myself a healthy breakfast, drink a cup of coffee, and proceed to job hunt first thing in the morning. If I'm lucky, I send in some applications. Then I catch up on the news through my Google News feed and other social media outlets. If I'm feeling creative, I write a blog post. I cook a protein-filled lunch and take my daily medication and vitamins. Around mid-afternoon, after I've given some time for my food to digest while reading a book, I walk 1.2miles to the gym to workout for an hour and walk home afterward. And the rest of the afternoon / evening all just depends on how tired I am from the exercise. Most nights I watch a little tv or read online or read a book. My days are predictable.

But doing something over and over again expecting different results - isn't that the definition of insanity? Little by little, I'm probably getting a little crazier each day. I need mental stimulation; I need the challenges of the workplace; I need human interaction. I should probably find some diversity in my daily life for now. But I refuse to spend any kind of money.

I would say that I've been patient, doing things in order and waiting for the right opportunities. I've been applying here and there and also touching base with recruiters. But this time of year is just tough. Many positions are put on hold for the new year to give employers time to reorganize and re-budget. It's typical for companies to stave off the spending in the 4th quarter of any given year. I know this. And I try to convince myself that come January all the employers will come around to reaching out to me at the same time. I can only hope for karma and to be overwhelmed with job suitors so that I can have my pick.

If you're reading this, hope for me too. I can use all the positive vibes I can get. I'll be sure to keep you in my hopes and dreams as well. Thanks.

Sadness > Frustration > Anger > Release > Repeat As Infrequently As Possible

Have you ever been so sad that you became frustrated? Have you ever been so frustrated that your anger took over? It's a natural progression. Is it possible to start at frustration without having been upset? I'm not sure. But I think there's a deeper root that begins with displeasure and eventually grows to irritation.

For me, the series of feelings don't surface often. I think it partly because I'm normally so logical and partly because I'm not easily bothered; I have patience and quickly determine if issues are worth worrying about. But like everyone else, I have my days. They just come further apart than others.

What bum's me out? Usually, it's something out of my control. Sometimes it's something that I have a hard time parting with. Other times, it could be something I can't make a decision about. When I stress about a situation, my spirits are dampened. If I'm disheartened or discouraged by someone or an event, I feel saddened. If I carry too much weight on my shoulders, if I take on too much to do and can't accomplish what I thought could be done, I feel dragged down. When people depend on me, and I can't come through, I feel useless and sorry.

Then frustration starts to set in. When the thoughts in my mind revolve faster and more often than the Earth rotates around the sun, I'm dizzied. When I start at point A in an effort to get to point B, but have to make a U-turn, I feel as if I've wasted time. If I do things over and over, whether in thought or in practice, and expect a different result, I am made insane.

Which leads to anger. I'm mad because I should have come to a conclusion. I could have figured it out on my own. It doesn't make sense, but it should. I hate repetition, but I can't stop. Objects can and will be thrown. Pillows are squeezed as small as if vacuum-sealed in my arms and used to muffle the rage that seeks escape from my body. Sometimes I shake.

But strangely, it's all controlled because it has to be. You have to be disciplined or you risk damage to yourself, objects, and others. The trick is to let it out slowly, like a pressure cooker. Release the tension or else in time, you will explode. And the outcome could be worse.

Tangent:
As I write about this topic, I can't help but think of my parents. The apple does not fall far from the tree. I have my mom's short fuse and my dad's patient logic. I share my dad's frustration and use my mom's edge. I can push buttons like my mom when I have to but most often have my buttons pushed like my dad. I am my parents' son. (476)

The Cookie Monster Wants CAKE?

Is it really unrealistic to have your cake and eat it too?

No, it's not. You can certainly have it. You can certainly eat it. But having it and eating it doesn't mean you will necessarily feel good about it. Nor does it mean that all the results are positive.

Herein lies the dilemma of decision-making.

On the one hand, there's great satisfaction in getting everything you want and indulging in the glory of your hard work, dedication, time spent, and energy exerted. Day in and day out you've starved yourself to develop the best attributes. Sacrifices were made along the way knowing that one day, eventually, you'd prosper in the fashion you've dreamed of. You've built your recipe for success, and when the time comes, the reward should be yours for the taking. If you put your best effort and high grade ingredients into the mix, then why not reap all the benefits all at once, immediately?

Because, on the other hand, allowing oneself to enjoy all the pleasures of what you believe to be victory, getting everything you want at the same time, still has it's consequences. They may not be immediate; they usually kick in after the fact, but you can't hide from the inevitable.

So what do you choose? Satiate your intense, long, drawn out cravings for instant gratification and deal with the repercussions later? Or spoil yourself a little at a time to take on the weight and burden piecemeal knowing that you can balance it out along the way with proper attention and care?

It is not easy to decide. It is frustrating to think about.

I have cake in front of me, and I can't figure out if I should eat it... or pass it up for some cookies over the course of time. (301)

Job Searching: Impatience, Frustration, Stress - The Struggle Is Real

As of late, the challenges of seeking employment have been getting to me.

I'm currently waiting to hear back from my previous employer about a position that was opened up at the end of June, which I interviewed for, but have not heard back from yet. Because I was the first person to interview and the hiring managers needed to go through the formal process by fielding other potential candidates, I'm just playing the waiting game with them. It's like having a staring contest with a wall right now. I feel so helpless and each day that passes, I lose a little hope that they'd fill this position with my shoes.

And I've been really trying to hold off on reaching out to others to continue my search so as not to waste peoples' time (recruiters, friends, old colleagues, etc.) since I'm waiting on my old employer to give me an answer, but I'm also feeling foolish for somewhat putting my eggs in one basket with them.

I do have a daily job search on Indeed and LinkedIN that automatically emails me with new positions. But the results haven't been so fruitful. In the two months I've been hunting, less than 10 opportunities have been appealing. In fact, I've only applied to maybe 5 positions.

Optimism is the name of the game when you go through your job search, but it's hard to stay so positive every day. Some days I feel fine and confident that I will get picked up by a great company. Other days I'm impatient, frustrated, and stressed out about landing a job. And on those days I don't know what to do with myself because waiting is all I have left to do; I've done all the admin around the house, cleaning, maintenance, grocery shopping, exercise and reading that I can take.

With all the free time, your mind wanders. You think - did I make the right choices in my past career-wise? Is my resume strong enough? Am I qualified for any of these positions? Why aren't I getting any callbacks for the positions I did apply for? What's wrong with me?!